Shuffle The Deck
by SgtPastulio
Summary: SetoxOC. A collection of drabbles and warmup exercises featuring the brothers Kaiba.
1. Chapter 1

I've been having horrible writer's block, so in the meantime, I've been writing meaningless non-drabbles. This is just a collection of my SetoxRen nonsense. Enjoy. Thanks for reading!

**Schadenfreude – Avenue Q Soundtrack**

Ren couldn't put her finger on exactly why, but she was in a shitty mood. Nothing terrible had happened to her today. The day had been relatively routine; she'd taken Mokuba to school, done some laundry, picked him up, and made it look like she was helping him with his homework. Nothing special. Nothing terrible. She heaved a sigh and looked up from her magazine.

"Don't let those magazines delude you into thinking you can get whatever man you set your mind to, Kuroki." Seto quipped, strolling into the living room with a bowl of sorbet, "Some of us are just ou-!"

Just as he crossed into Ren's line of vision, Seto's feet flew from beneath him and he landed hard on the slick wooden floor. Ren snorted, making a feeble attempt at being polite, before abandoning the endeavor altogether. She burst into laughter, applauding his blunder with gusto. Tears streamed from her eyes and her abdomen ached with glee.

"You shut your mouth."

"Get off the floor, asshole."

**Doped Up Dollies On A One Way Ticket To Blood - Big D & The Kids Table**

"Motherfucker!" Ren gasped, slamming her toe against the molding on the floor. She stumbled in her stride and shoved her bare foot into her boot, flying down the hallway. She snatched her keys and a bottle of _something_ from the kitchen counter, shoving the keys into the ignition and splashing the substance into her face to wake her up.

_I can do it, I can do it, I can do it,_ was her mantra as she rushed down the hill on her Vespa. She swerved around cars, sped through red lights, and broke more traffic laws than she ever had before. But then again, she had never been this late before.

She screeched to a halt in front of the high school, just as Mokuba strolled out to the street. "Hey, kiddo!" She chirped, a broad grin touching her lips. "How was school?"

"Fiiiiiiine..." Mokuba began, eyeing her carefully. "How was your morning?"

"Oh, wonderful!" She lied, smiling brightly, "Got the laundry done, was texting your bro a bit. You know; the usual bullshit."

"Ah."

"Yup!"

"You know you've got Kool-Aid in your hair, right?"

"... Get on the goddamn bike."

**Monster – Lady Gaga**

"Why the Hell would you break it off!" Karin Kuroki exclaimed, her elder sister glaring right back up at her from the kitchen counter. "You had a great thing going, Ren! Fucking the richest guy in the region, who has a rep for being a _fantastic_ lay! What the Hell is wrong with you!"

"That boy…" Ren shook her head, "I don't really think it's a good idea that you and I talk about my sex life, actually. I don't want you or 'Chi getting any bad ideas. Don't make a habit out of one-night stands, you hear me?"

"Oh please, Ren, I'm seventeen years old, I think I can make my own decisions about my sex life, thanks." Karin scoffed, rolling her eyes at the eldest Kuroki daughter. She smirked down at her, plopping down into the bar stool next to her. "So? Why'd you do it? Break up with him, I mean. He didn't use the L word, did he? You just in it for the lay?"

"No! For fuck's-! Ugh! Karin!" Ren exhaled an angry snarl, focusing hard on the swirling marble pattern in the countertop. "He's a monster. And he didn't use the L word… I was afraid that I would."

Karin cocked her head to the side in question, opening her mouth to speak. Ren raised a hand to hush her. She sighed heavily, looking up to stare out the kitchen window. "He's going to eat my heart. And I don't want that. I'm not ready to fall just yet."

"But, Ren. You already have."

**Just Dance – Lady Gaga**

"I'VE HAD A LITTLE BIT TO MUCH – MUCH." Ren was at the point of slurring her speech but showed no end in sight, dancing around her bedroom with a glass of red wine, dressed to the nines in a black tee shirt and Superman underpants. She managed a halfway-stumbled moonwalk across the carpet and spun on her toes in front of the bed, studying her hips carefully as she swiveled them around.

"I CAN'T REMEMBER, BUT IT'S ALRIGHT, A-ALRIGHT, JUST DAAAAAAAAANCE." She held out her wine and began to pantomime smacking its invisible booty. She glanced up in the midst of her dance to see Mokuba standing in the doorway, watching her with his eyebrow cocked up as high as he could get it, hiding his smirk with his hand.

"IN THE MEANTIME, STAY AND LET ME WATCH YOU BREAK IT DOWN AND… DANCE." Ren extended her arms to Mokuba, waiting expectantly for him to bust a move. "DA DA, DOO DOO, MM, JUST DANCE."

**Pretty Women – Sweeney Todd Soundtrack**

"Seto…" The eldest Kaiba brother turned from the sink, a towel hanging loosely from his waist, his face only half-shaven, to face his younger brother. Mokuba's face was in a similar state, but a thin trickle of blood was trailing down his jaw. "I fucked up."

Seto couldn't help but smile at his brother, becoming a man right before his eyes. It seemed like only yesterday he was just ten, hugging at his legs, begging him not to go off to school and leave him alone with the tutors. He shook his head, beckoning Mokuba to join him at the sink. "It's okay." He spoke softly, pointing at the roll of toilet paper to stem the flow of blood. "Why were you shaving? You don't really need to yet."

"Dark, patchy peach fuzz isn't… exactly attractive…" Mokuba mumbled, staring into the mirror and taking up his razor yet again. "To girls…"

Seto glanced down at the dark-haired lad, unable to disagree with him, a fleeing image of the babysitter flashing in his mind. He continued with his shave himself, pulling his face taut. "Which girl?"

Somehow, Mokuba's cheeks managed to blush even through the bright white shaving cream covering the better portion of his cheeks. "Courtney Limoux… She's blonde… and French-American… and smells like plums and freesia."

Seto nodded, tapping his razor in the sink. "Is she a dick?"

Mokuba quirked an eyebrow and cast a gaze up at his older brother. "No?"

The elder Kaiba nodded again. "You've got me beat."

**Riot Girl – Good Charlotte**

"God I hate these people and I don't even know them."

Seto quirked an eyebrow and glanced over the back of the couch at the nanny. He caught a glimpse of her laptop screen and sighed. "Of course you're pissed, why are you reading that stupid gossip blog?"

"I was looking for that article about you, Princess." Ren quipped, scrolling through pages and pages gossip bullshit on , "But I got distracted by all of this talk about those stupid Duggar people, and Sarah Palin, and those fucking Jersey Shore tools who are just a waste of oxygen. Can you believe that they've been renewed for a third season? Who fucking watches this shit?"

Seto rolled his eyes, before turning back and leaning over her shoulder. "Wait. What article about me?"

"Nobody cares! Listen to how much I hate Dahvie Vanity!"

**Bones – The Killers**

"Ren what the Hell…" Seto launched himself out of the car, standing on the pavement, watching the girl run towards the ocean. He could hear the splash, but could no longer see her in the dead of night. "Oh, for the love…"

He peeled off his loafers and socks and dropped them into the driver's seat, rolling up his slacks and making his way down the beach. His eyes had yet to adjust to the light, and all he could hear was the rush of the ocean. Growing weary of the darkness, he clicked a button on his key ring, and the Audi roared to life, the headlights illuminating the shore. Ren stood soaked on the beach, stripped down to a set of nearly translucent panties. She grinned coyly, raking her bangs out of her eyes.

"Don't you want to swim with me, Seto?"

He bit back a smart remark, rethinking things. He slipped off his jacket and let it drop to the ground.

**Cold Hard Bitch – JET**

"Don't fucking touch me." Ren glared in his direction, light from her laptop bleaching her skin a pale white in the dark of the living room. Seto halted in his tracks, his hand halfway beneath the blanket over her legs. They sat in a stalemate for a few moments, staring one another down, her heated hazel leer only arousing him further. He lunged in and attached his lips to her neck, one hand shoving the computer aside, the other held fast at her slim waist.

Tremors of pleasure shot straight up her spine and her legs tensed. "Knock it off." She spoke as firmly as possible, unsure if she believed the words herself.

"Make me."

Ren cursed herself, her body for betraying her, and _him_, for winding her up to this point. "_Fuck_ you."

Seto grinned; a smile that always made Ren tremble. "With pleasure."

**Fever For The Flava' – Hot Action Cop**

Ren's back arched in pleasure as her lips met Seto's once more in a heated, hungry kiss, pulling him closer as her legs wrapped around his waist. She didn't think that there was anything she loved more than fucking Seto Kaiba. Well, she was sure that it would be even sweeter if she were allowed to brag about it to somebody afterwards, but at this point, their relationship was a bit of a secret, and she didn't need it getting out anytime soon. And she was certain that it would be _even_ sweeter if she could top for once.

Another loud groan escaped her lips, and with that, she placed her hand on his shoulder, giving him a hard shove. His head snapped up from its place at her neck, his eyes meeting hers in a hazy gaze. "What are you doing?"

"Switching positions."

"What?" He leveled a sharp gaze at her, quirking an eyebrow. "Why?"

She stopped then, raising an eyebrow of her own. Was he really going to argue this right now? While he was still inside her? "Because I want to top for five seconds, dickface."

"Why on earth would you want to do that?"

Ren rolled her eyes. His chances of them resuming their sexy times were slowly dwindling down to zero, which was really going to put her in a foul mood unless he corrected his attitude. "Because you suck at sex, and I hate looking at your fucking ugly face."

**Dig A Little Deeper – Jennifer Lewis**

Ren stared into her bathroom mirror, a towel wrapped tight around her torso, hair hanging wet and shaggy around her shoulders. She bared her teeth, which could have stood to be a shade or two whiter. Her eyebrows hadn't been waxed in almost four months, and there was a smattering of acne at her brow, due to stress. She sighed, shoving her toothbrush into her mouth, feeling the least glamorous she had felt in ages.

Seto peeked his head in from the bedroom, stopping for but a moment to peck a kiss on her cheek, before stepping from the bathroom and continuing on his way. Ren smiled around her toothbrush.


	2. Chapter 2

**Growing On Me – The Darkness**

I hate you. I fucking can't stand you. What the fuck are you even looking at asshole; that's right, turn the hell around. Ugh, please just stop. Put a belt on, your pants are slipping down your ass and Jesus Christ I can't…

Maybe if I look at the wall for a while my face will stop burning. Oh Christ why did I look up, STOP STARING AT ME. Please just go upstairs and play with your cards or do CEO things, I don't even care; just please leave. Why can't you just take the hint? But walk away slowly. Just like that. It's not fair, you shouldn't be allowed to be that good looking _and_ my boss. I don't want you, you're a dick and I hate you and you're socially inept and you can't interact with anyone beyond barking orders at them and WHY IS THAT SO ATTRACTIVE? This isn't fair. What did I do to deserve this?

**What Are Friends For - Reel Big Fish**

"I lied! You know that hair drier that went missing? Me! Yes, me. And that job interview you had in Shibuya? The one at that art gallery? Told them you were abroad for the next six months! And I don't even give a fuck! I got my way, and you just let me keep doing it! You're _such_ a pushover! I can't believe you just let me _walk_ all over you like that! All those months you paid my rent and the groceries and I just kept beer in the fridge! Are you kidding me! You are ridiculous! Grow a goddamn spine, woman! Oh, and by the way? That guy? The one from Tokyo you had dated for a while? The one you said was super cute and that you could have seen yourself with? _I was fucking him the whole time!_Gosh, maybe if you weren't so wrapped up in your own damn self, you would have seen it! God, Ren, I can't believe we're friends; you're so stupid!"

With a snap of her arm, Ren had Emi on the ground, blood pouring profusely from her cracked nose. The brunette chewed on the inside of her lip, mulling over her next move. But _God_ did it feel good to finally do that. "I'm not your friend. You don't know me. And I don't care about you, you stupid cow."

**Valerie – Reel Big Fish**

Seto grit his teeth. He shook his head. He clenched his fists. His fingernails dug deep crescent moons into his palms, and he was almost certain he would draw blood if he tensed anymore than he already was. "Congratulations." He spoke slowly, trying desperately to hold down his temper. He stared down at the tiny brunette in front of him, a wide grin splitting her wicked little face. "I never really knew _hate_until I met you."

She quirked her head to the side, her tongue sticking out from between her teeth. "Mission accomplished!" She quipped happily, patting his cheek. Her hand lingered for a moment, fingers tickling his soft flesh. His stony gaze faltered for but a moment; his stomach flipped.

Motherfucker.

**The Prime Time Of Your Life – Daft Punk**

"Do you even enjoy things that normal people enjoy?"

"I am not 'normal people'."

"Clearly we have established that, Mister 'I am the king of a child's card game and must be the very best like no one ever was."

"This matter is much more serious than Pokemon, I assure you."

"Oh, so you know what that is! You're twenty-one after all!"

"Don't mock me."

Ren smirked. "Nobody's mocking here. Your desperation to be the best strikingly parallels Ash Ketchum's journey, but he knows he's never going to be better than Gary Oak. Do you know who your Gary Oak is?"

"I don't have time for this." Seto rolled his eyes and shuffled his paperwork back into its manila folder. As he rose from the kitchen bar, his headphones snagged against his stool, yanking them free of the iPhone in his breast pocket. Electronic music began pouring into the kitchen, sultry and soothing, and the familiar lyrics hit Ren like a ton of bricks.

_"I need you more than anything in my life. I want you more than anything in my life."_

She raised her eyebrow as high as it would go, and she could almost spot a flush rising up Seto's neck. "Is that…?"

"It's nothing."

"Daft Punk?"

"It's _nothing._"

"I… I think I might love you."

**Not That Simple – Dredg**

"You know what! Fine! I don't even give two shits anymore!" Ren tore her cropped leather jacket off and threw it to the ground, a cloud of sand rising around her feet. She grabbed Seto by the shoulder (which was a feat in and of itself) and yanked him around, forcing him to stare down at her teeny tiny temper tantrum. Ren was determined. If she was going to pitch a fit, she was going to make damn sure that he paid attention. "What the _fuck_ is easy and simple and routine about this! Nothing has been easy since I met you! Absofuckinglutely nothing!"

She let out a roar of frustration, just about ready to rip her hear out of her head. She shook her hands and head, expelling some of her frustrations. She took a deep breath and turned her fiery glare on Seto once again. "Your insistence that everything can be solved with the snap of your fingers is only making things harder for me. We are in a mutual fucking _coma_, however the hell that works, Mokuba is _missing_inside this coma land, and your expectation of me that I will somehow find him is just about as unrealistic as they come."

Ren inhaled a deep breath, sucking in sandy, salty, most likely artificial air. She exhaled shakily, willing her voice not to crack. She met his gaze and her stomach churned. Those goddamn eyes had to be the most intimidating thing she had ever seen. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm worried about Mokuba too. I don't know if this means that he's managed to escape, if he's safe somewhere, or if he's just… I love that kid, but I don't wanna lose my damn job."

Seto opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a massive schooner flying not even ten feet above their heads. Ren's jaw hung slack, her hair blown forward, slapping her in the face. Seto turned with her, following its trajectory towards an equally massive lighthouse in the distance. "Thing about the Shadow Realm," Seto quipped, glancing over his shoulder at her, "is that they always make it painfully obvious where the final boss is."

**Gaston – Beauty And The Beast**

"Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Seto…" The brunette glanced to the side, shoulders hunched and mouth set in a hard line. He'd had a really terrible day at work, and he was in no mood for Ren's nagging tonight. "Looking so down in the dumps."

Oh hell, she was going sing. He sat up, wheeling around to snap over the couch at her, but she held out a finger to silence him. She winked, doing a little twirl in the middle of the living room. "Every guy here'd love to be you, Seto." She glanced behind her and set her gaze on Mokuba, the only other person in the house. She shrugged, rolling over the couch to perch herself right next to the CEO. "Even when taking your lumps. There's no man in town as admired as you, you're everyone's favorite guy! Everyone's awed and inspired by you, and it's not… very hard… to see why!"

She vaulted herself from the couch, stepping up onto the polished coffee table, leaning over to look Seto right in the face. "No… one's… slick as Gaston, no one's quick as Gaston, no one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's!"

He moaned in agony, slapping a hand to his face to shield himself from further embarrassment. Just when he thought she was going to do something really cute, she had to go and be obnoxious. Ren leapt from the table, landing on her knees right next to Seto. A broad grin split her face as she sang, the light in her eyes brighter than any lamp in the room. "For there's no man in town half as manly~" she sang, fingers tracing his jaw, "Perfect! A pure paragon!" She closed the gap between the two of them, placing a soft kiss on his cheek, and suddenly, he hadn't a care in the world. Least of all Ren's less than ideal singing.

**Umbrella – All Time Low**

"Mokuba!" Ren shouted, screeching to a halt in front of the high school, throwing herself from the Vespa and dropping her helmet to the ground as she bolted toward the buildings. She cursed herself for being so late, and was hoping and praying that nothing had happened to the younger boy. Today had just been a complete and utter failure for the babysitter; nothing had gone right. The rain, the loss of power, the dead battery in the chauffeur's Bentley, the Vespa being the only vehicle that she had access to at such short notice… She was over an hour late to pick up Mokuba from school, and she had her fingers crossed that he had found somewhere warm to shelter himself from the downpour. It would be her head on the chopping block if she brought him home with a cold.

The rain pelted her in the face, her umbrella trailing along uselessly behind her. She stopped in the middle of the quad, fishing her blackberry out of her back pocket. The screen was instantly soaked and near illegible, but she could definitely see that she had no new messages. "God damn it."

"Ren?"

She whipped around and her heart soared. Mokuba stood behind her, his backpack held over his half-soaked head, raindrops rolling down his face. He was wet, but not dead. That was really everything she could have asked for. "Shit, I'm so sorry!" Ren blurted, holding the umbrella over the two of them, partially shielding them from the rain. "The chauffeur was late and then the battery died in the driveway, and I could only get at the Vespa, and **fuck** am I glad you're alright."

Mokuba smiled and shook his head in that very same manner his brother did. "Why'd you bring an umbrella? You drove the moped, didn't you?"

Ren opened her mouth to argue, but snapped it back shut, saving herself any further humiliation. "Let's not talk about that." She wrapped her arm around the youth's shoulders, leading him back to her bike. "We should go home now."

**Butterfly – Jason Mraz**

His hands were warm and soft, enveloping her small, callused ones in a firm embrace. They glided effortlessly across the living room floor, him twirling her around on her socks. Ren had never danced this well in her entire life; she usually just fumbled around like an ass, but with him, things were easy. With her cheek pressed to his chest, his hand guiding her waist, everything felt right. Like this was where she was meant to be and she didn't ever want to go.

Seto spun her out of his embrace, dipping her over the coffee table, and pulled her back, fully enveloping her in his arms. His scent was all around her, making her head swim and her knees quiver, and she would have fallen over had he not been holding her so tight. She let her eyes slide closed and a sigh escaped her. She squeezed him in return, feeling for all the world like she had everything she could ever want.

"Kuroki." Ren inhaled sharply, the book she had been holding flinging out of her hands and onto the floor. She was on the sofa, by herself. Cold. Seto raised an eyebrow at her from across the room, a scowl plastered across his face. "Take a picture. It'll last longer."

A mumbled, "f-fuck you…" was all Ren managed to get out, her heart tightening in her chest. She shook her head, willing away her discomfort. She needed to get used to it. The things that went on in her head were never going to leave.


End file.
